16 Apr 2012

Donald Duck Never Wears Pants

The Lion King 
The Supposed Message: We all have responsibilities we can't ignore. And don't trust that creepy uncle.
The Actual Message: In order for you to be successful, other people will have to pay. And ultimately, that's okay, because the ends justify the means!

Cinderella
The Supposed Message: Dreams do come true!
The Actual Message: If you wait around long enough, the universe will practically hand stuff to you.
The little mermaid
The Supposed Message: True love conquers all!
The Actual Message: A little promise with evil is okay, as long as everything works out in the end!
She essentially makes a deal with the devil, leaves her family behind and gets turned from a fish into a human. All so that she can meet the guy she is in love with...who she has never spoken to before...seems a bit stupid
The beauty and the beast
The Supposed Message: Treat others the way you wish to be treated!
The Actual Message: Underneath the abusive exterior of your man is a loving heart he's just dying to share with you.
As soon as she falls in love with him he becomes hot. So the moral is 'love them for who they are, but tell them to get some work done'. on another note,apparently beastiality is okay in Disney's eyes?
The hunchback of Notre dame
The Supposed Message: Don’t judge a book by its cover!
The Actual Message: Ugly guys don't get the girl, even if they're devoted and awesome. which is a shame 
Sleeping beauty
The Supposed Message: True love will conquer all!
The Actual Message: That guy who comes along and saves you from a crisis? Marry him! He's the one!
Both the sleeping beauty and snow white, they were essentially sexually assaulted by strange men while they were asleep.
The fox and the hound
The Supposed Message: Even though we're different, we can still get along.
The Actual MessageAnd by "get along" we mean "don't kill each other." We certainly do not mean "live together." Don't be silly, you belong to different races! You can never be friends


Robin Hood and Aladdin 
They both teach us that it’s okay to steal from people if it’s for a good cause? And in Aladdin he steals and lies just so he can get the girl. It also teaches kids they can get what they want from rubbing a lamp and asking a blue guy.
the moral of aladdin is -' It's okay if you're poor. You can steal your way to the top'

Don’t even get me started on Alice in wonderland
They are all high. All the things she eats and drinks? Yeah they are clearly drugs. Not only is it saying that you should drink and eat shit from strangers, but it also encourages you to talk to strangers? Yeah those mushrooms certainly are magic, doll. 
so the moral of alice in wonderland is probably - When things don't seem right, eat a magic mushroom

Donald duck never wears pants... yet he puts a towel round him when he gets out of the shower...

obviously the kids watching these are not thinking this at the time but it puts the idea into their heads and if not, the least it is doing is teaching kids that they can one day become a prince or a princess and that they will fall in love with someone without even talking to them and that its only really the hot people who find love. we need disney films about ugly people who find love.







25 Jan 2012

wierd.

For all of you on study leave and wanting to avoid revising, here is a list of the best films ever, created over days of procrastination by myself and David Lowe

Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Help, I’m A Fish!
My girl
Home alone 
Mary Kate and Ashley;
Our Lips Are Sealed
Winning London
Holiday In The Sun
Getting there
When in rome
Jurasic park
Meet the parents
Meet the fokers
Role Models
It’s A Wonderful Life
Even Stevens the Movie
The Breakfast Club
A Bugs Life
Jeeper’s creepers 1&2
jUMANJI
Sherlock Holmes 1&2
Silence Of The Lambs
Cannibal
Red Dragon
Ferris Bueler's Day Off
Dirty Dancing
Weekend At Bernie’s
Groundhog Day
Clueless
Little Women
Pretty Women
The Shining
Trainspotting
Star wars (all 6, love The Phantom Menace the best.)
Indiana Jones (again all 4)
E.T
Fast Times At Ridgemount High
The Man With Two Brains
Ghostbusters (1&2)
Back To The Future (1,2&3)
The Goonies
When Harry Met Sally
Gremlins
Who Framed Rodger Rabbit?
Honey, I Shrunk The Kids
Honey, I Blew Up The Kids
Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves
The Wizard Of Oz
Jaws 1,2,3&4
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
The Godfather
The Exorcist
Grease 1&2
Pirates Of The Caribbean 123&4
Transformers 12&3
Harry Potter 1-8
The Hangover 1&2
Scream (1-4)
Lord Of The Rings 12&3
Saw (1-A MILLLION)
Scary Movie 1&2
Spiderman 12&3
X-Men 1234&5
Charlie’s Angels1&2
James Bond (trillions of them)
Austin Powers 12&3
American Pie 123456&7
Paranormal Activity 12&3
White Chicks
Deep Blue Sea
It
Misery
Stand By Me
Slap Her Shes French
Supersize Me
Zack and Mindy Make A Porno
Sky High
The Hand That Rocked the Cradle
The Boat That Rocked
Beetle Juice
The Emperor’s New Groove
The Road to El Dorado
Bring It On 123&4
Wayne’s World 1&2
The Ring 1&2
Three Men and The Baby
Open Water
Jackass 1234&5
Spy Kids 12&3
13
The Parent Trap
Along Came Polly
Matilda
Cats And Dogs
Flubber
Lizzie Mcguire Movie
Edward Scissorhands
Hocus Pocus
Dumb and Dumber
Superbad
Jenifer’s Body
Napoleon Dynamite
Monster In Law
Role Models
Zoolander
The Wedding Crashers
The Wedding Singer
The Wedding planner
The Sweetest Thing
Black Swan
Hercules
Submarine
The Inbetweeners Movie
Easy A
Bruce almighty
Madagascar
The bullet proof monk
The buffy the vampire slayer movie
agent cody banks 1&2
shes the man
john tucker must die
8 legged freaks
Blair witch project
I’ll be home for Christmas
Insidious
School of rock
Mean Girls
Donny darko
Halloween Town  12&3
The Little Mermaid 1&2
Toy Story (1,2&3)
Freaky Friday
Karrie 1&2
Cry Wolf
The butterfly effect
The sixth Sense
Step up 12&3
Dear john
What a girl wants
A Cinderella story
P.s I love you
8 mile
Euro trip
What happens in Vegas
13 going on 30
St Trinians 1&2
Lassie
Attack The Block
127 hours
Twister
Bridesmaids
Friends with benefits
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The social network
Sex and the city
Domestic Disturbance
Legally blonde 1&2
Knocked up
Horrible Bosses
No strings attached
Free willy 12&3
Beastly
The human centipede 1 &2
Serbian film
The girl with the dragon tattoo
Signs
Like mike
Prom Night
My bloody valentine
The ugly truth
Miss.congeniality
Juno
500 days of summer
batman 12345&6
Slumdog millionare
love actually
50 first dates
how to lose a guy in 10 days
Bridget jones 1&2
revenge of the nerds
the last American virgin
rush hour 1
the ring 1&2
Friday the 13th 1234567&8
superman
nightmare on elms street 123456&7
Freddie vs Jason
daddy day care
cheaper by the dozen 1&2
cabin fever
Scooby doo 1&2


2 Jan 2012

2012

So it is 2012, and we are apparently all going to die an excruciatingly painful death in 353 days. However the most pain i seem to be in at the moment is the paper cuts covering my hands as I decided 35 minutes ago to rip off all the photos, magazine cuttings and stickers off the side of my wardrobe and my door. not because its 'a new year and a new me! :D ' and not cause i began to cry about how painstakingly depressing my shitty life is, but simply because I was staring at all the things i used to like and the photos of me with people i don't even say hello to any more and the oldest photos were from p7. when looking at the photos i saw who i used to be and how I don't even see the smallest part of that person any more and I didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. all I know is that I am sick and tired of everyone being depressing little fucks and not just saying what they think and having to lie about absolutely fucking everything cause they seem to care so bloody much about what everyone thinks about them, when i can guarantee you i will never see/talk to 96% of the people in my year say 2 and a half/3 years from now? i know i have gone very far off the topic i just thought that maybe this might make people realize that all the things they think are important and worth crying rivers over in 2012 will mean anything in the grand scheme of their lives. the point i think i am trying to make is that i personally think over the past 5 years i have changed far too many times because of the people i hung out with and i have fought with so many other people because of the people i hung out with. the point of me ripping off all the pictures was not to forget all those people it was just to show that none of it actually matters. i know that this is all awfully cliché and depressing and very 'my life is shit, I'm a new person' but i just don't see the point in changing the way i am just so that other people can like me, or changing my opinions to agree with other peoples, or having to hang out with people who i know i will never talk to again a year from then when we all clearly have nothing in common but i would just go with it.so basically, the next year and a half of my life is going to be spent with a lot of different people but I'm hoping that after this i will think more carefully about the decisions i make and the way i choose to act just because of other bitches.